Ai no Memories
by Masked Maiden
Summary: Retelling of short story "Memories of Casablanca" from v. 11 of Sailormoon manga.


This fanfiction retells the story "Memories of Casablanca" (from manga volume 11) from a different view. It takes place during the first season, before Sailorvenus appears. I hope everyone enjoys it. Please e-mail me at gracefulangel15@yahoo.com and tell me what you think. I love getting e-mail from readers. Thank you. :)  
  
THE INFAMOUS DISCLAIMER:  
  
Sailormoon and the characters of "Bishoujo Senshi Sailormoon" were created and belong to Takeuchi Naoko. Other companies such as Kodansha, Toei Animation, Bandai, DiC, and Mixx Entertainment hold rights to the show and/or manga. In other words, I do not. My stories and the characters I create belong to me. And if you use any of my characters without my permission I will send Tuxedo Kamen after you with his cane! (I mean it!)  
  
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Illusion never changed into something real   
I'm wide-awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn   
You're a little late; I'm already torn   
  
Natalie Imbruglia   
"Torn"   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
Ai No Memories  
By: Masked Maiden  
Rated: PG  
  
  
A certain bouquet of white flowers seemed to stand out from the rest of the flowers in the display window. Their petals were soft and velvety, pure white with pinkish-red specks in the center; they seemed too delicate and very fragile. It would be a sin to disturb such beauty.   
  
Rei stopped and stared at those flowers. Their radiance triggered memories of not so long ago - memories that made her heart ache with such sorrow and loneliness.  
  
"I thought we were comrades..."  
  
[Flashback]  
  
A young man walked up to her, carrying a beautiful bouquet of long-stemmed red roses. He had admired her from afar for an eternity. He hated himself for never speaking to her when she walked by. The boy smiled at her gently, and then handed her the roses and a letter.  
  
"Happy Birthday, Hino Rei-san," he said. "I often see you on the bus. My little sister also goes to TA Junior High, which is how I found out about your birthday. Please read this letter. I had long decided that red roses are the most appropriate flowers for you, because I feel that it's the flower that most matches your personality. Sayonara!"  
  
He smiled at Rei once again and left with a great feeling swelling inside his heart. Perhaps it was relief.  
  
Rei stood there, bemused, and stared at the red roses and the letter in her hands. She didn't know what to think, or what to say. She was quite flattered to say the least, and yet she felt sorry that nice young man. All that man did was waste his money on a girl who had no interest in men.  
  
A blond spy rushed out from her hiding place from behind a bench and snatched the letter from Rei. She was bubbling over with excitement, glee, and a hint of jealousy.  
  
Usagi read the letter out loud. "Please be my good friend." A gleeful squeal came from here. "Sugoi! Rei-chan! You're quite popular with the boys! And the especially the handsome ones!"  
  
"So today's your birthday?" Ami asked. She smiled at Rei and kindly said, "You shouldn't have kept that from us. Happy Birthday, by the way!"  
  
Usagi heavily sighed. "Ah... I wish a handsome man would give me flowers on my birthday..."  
  
Rei thrust the flowers into Usagi's hands. She muttered, "You can have them if you want. I'm not accustomed to accepting presents from total strangers. In any event, I have no interest in men. And men should know that by now!"  
  
Without saying another word, she silently walked away from her two friends. Sadness wavered in her glossy violet eyes.  
  
Usagi and Ami stood there. Both of them were surprised by Rei's reaction to the kind-hearted gift. They felt sorry for her and for her feeling towards men. Why did she hate men, anyway?  
  
"Does she really hate men so much?" Usagi asked. "Hasn't she had a moment of happiness in her life?"  
  
"Come to think of it, we don't really know Rei that well," Ami said.   
  
They stood there at the bus stop for a long while. Neither of them said a word to each other, yet they were thinking the same exact thing.  
  
[End of Flashback]  
  
Rei quickly turned her face away from the Casablanca lilies. She hastily ran away from the floral stop, wanting desperately to get home as quickly as possible.She didn't want any of her friends to see the tears in her eyes.  
  
"Kaiou-san... I thought we were comrades..."  
  
Her mind was somewhere else as she ran through the streets of Juuban. She didn't look back when she bumped into a young, blond girl. She didn't even apologize. Rei only ran as fast as her feet could take her.  
  
The girl turned around and watched her friend turn to the right, disappearing from her view. Concern filled her big blue eyes while uneasiness squeezed at her heart.   
  
"Rei-chan..."  
  
------  
  
Rei splashed a hand full of cool water on her face and looked in the mirror. They were still there. The tearstains were still visible. But maybe no one would notice. Then suddenly Rei remembered there was to be a study meeting with her friends later that day. They always met at the temple. She sighed, grabbed a towel from the hanger, and dried her face.  
  
An old voice called out, "Rei, you have a visitor!"  
  
Rei opened the sliding door to the bathroom and looked down the corridor. She cringed. It was Usagi, and Rei had an excellent idea why she was there.  
  
"Konnichi wa, Rei-chan," Usagi said. She acted like her usual, happy self. However, there was a tinge of concern in her voice, enough for anyone to recognize.  
  
There was silence for a short period. Standing on opposite ends of the hallway, the two friends stared at each other. Although no one spoke, their eyes told how they felt.  
  
"Well," Rei grumbled, "let's not stand here like a bunch of fools. You wanna talk, we'll talk." She started on her way to her bedroom. "That is why you came here. Isn't it, Usagi?"  
  
Usagi nodded, baffled. For once she couldn't think of anything to say.  
  
They walked into Rei's bedroom, where the study session would be held an hour later. Usagi noticed that Rei had already started on her homework, for her books and papers were scattered all over the table. No, that should be rephrased. The books and papers had been scattered all over the table, but no homework had actually been completed. Usagi smiled at the irony of the scene. It looks exactly like my homework, she thought.  
  
She looked up and saw Rei standing by the open window. A light, summer breeze gently blew in, softly blowing Rei's long, raven hair. She had a distant look in her eyes, as though she was thinking of something - reminiscing over old memories.  
  
"Rei-chan, is something wrong?" Usagi quietly asked.  
  
Rei bluntly answered. "No."  
  
"Okay..." Usagi tried to think of something to say. "Well, you looked so preoccupied earlier today, and... the fact that YOU bumped into ME... I was just wondering if something..." She looked up and saw that Rei wasn't listening to her. It made her feel even worse, not because she wasn't listening, but because her friend was hurting and she didn't know what to do. Usagi wanted Rei to tell her about her troubles. And even though Usagi probably couldn't do anything about it, she wanted to at least do her best in making things right... if that was possible. But most importantly, Usagi wanted to there for her, like any good friend.  
  
"Rei-chan?"  
  
"Usagi... have you ever loved someone, but knew you could never have him?"  
  
Rei turned and looked at her friend. Her eyes were bright and watery around the edges. The fountain of tears was beginning to overflow. Usagi had never seen Rei like this before. What was wrong?  
  
Usagi was puzzled by Rei's question, not exactly knowing why she asked it. But... could a thing so simple and yet so complex as love distress someone that much? Usagi didn't really know. She had a lot of crushes, but nothing serious. She had never really experienced love before.  
  
"Um... no, not really." Usagi stated, disappointed in some way with her answer. "I've never even had a boyfriend."  
  
Rei closed the window. The snap of the latch caused Usagi to look up. She watched Rei fall backwards onto her bed, her feet dangling off the sides.  
  
"Why?" Usagi asked.  
  
Rei took her time answering Usagi's question. She looked up at the ceiling with a distant look in her eyes. She wanted to cry, but dared not to in Usagi's presence. Memories and thoughts flooded her mind, frustrating her to the point she wanted to scream aloud, or hit something hard - possibly both. With all her raging emotions bottled inside her heart, Rei was surprised she hadn't broken down.  
  
"I have," she muttered. Rei looked at her friend. "I've known this guy for a long time... he works for Otou-san. We've been pretty good friends. But when I figured out my true feelings towards him... he decides to marry."  
  
Usagi's eyes wide. This was certainly hard for her to grasp. It seemed to hit her like a falling brick, almost knocking her out cold. Rei, the girl who had no faith in men - the girl who kept her private life a secret - had feelings towards one? Hino Rei was in love?  
  
"Who is he?" Usagi asked. She was beginning to enjoy this conversation in a way. Talking about men was something she liked, possibly loved.  
  
Rei faintly said, "Kaidou-san... my comrade..."  
  
Usagi furrowed her brow. "Comrade?"  
  
"It's a long story..." Rei recollected the entire story in her mind and began to tell her dear friend. "It all started a few months ago... on my birthday to be exact."  
  
[Flashback]  
  
A few hours after Usagi and Ami had dropped by, an elegant black limousine drove up to the temple. The limousine driver opened the passenger door and waited for the young girl he was to chauffeur. When he saw her at the top of the stairs, he flushed. He was so captivated by her beauty that he had forgotten the child was only fourteen.  
  
Rei walked down the long stairway of the temple, wearing an elegant, pure white dress. Usagi had commented that the design looked familiar to her somehow, but she couldn't place where she had seen it before. It was a sleeveless, strapless dress that was decorated with a faint, floral design that blended into the white material, and with tiny little pearls scattered everywhere. The skirt had two layers, one shorter than the other about a half an inch. Even though Rei had worn many elegant things before, this topped them all. She felt a little uneasy wearing it. Whoever picked the dress out certainly had good taste... and a large wallet.   
  
"Good evening, Hino-san," said the chauffeur.   
  
Rei merely smiled enough to be polite. "Good evening to you, Oiknawa-san."  
  
He closed the door for her, which made her blush. She wasn't use to men doing nice things for her. Okinawa-san turned the key and started the engine.  
  
"So, where am I to take you tonight, Hino-san?" he asked, already knowing. He rather enjoyed making her blush.  
  
"You know where," she remarked. "The Rain Tree Restaurant, please."  
  
"Rain Tree Restaurant... someone must love you a lot to take you to that expensive place."  
  
"Whatever," Rei flatly said. Her tone shocked the chauffeur, but he shrugged it off and began to drive.  
  
At the restaurant a young, handsome, bespectacled man greeted Rei at her table. The man's name was Kaidou and he was her father's first secretary. Now, there was one person missing - her father. Her father was unable to attend his daughter's birthday dinner, just like last year.  
  
"Ah... the dress Hino-san chose for you is quite lovely," Kaidou said, smiling at his "date" for the evening.  
  
Rei sighed as she sat down. "Does Otou-san think that he can excuse himself with just a white dress?" she asked, hurt by her father's actions, although she would never admit it. "He's never regarded his family as important."  
  
Kaidou silently agreed with Rei. "Well, I thought I'd be a good substitute for Hino-san... but it appears that you might have been better off partying with your friends. I'm sure you have some."  
  
"Friends..." There was distant and angered look in Rei's eyes as she spoke. "I didn't tell them it was my birthday, nor did I intend to. I trust no one. Oka-san always trusted Otou-san. In my memory, she was only a weak person with a melancholic look on her face that told me everything. Yet Otou-san only thought about his political matters, so he abandoned my sick mother and left her to die a lonely death."  
  
Kaidou had grown speechless, and terribly uncomfortable, while listening to the oppressive words coming from her mouth. This wasn't the kind of conversation he had pictured for the evening, but he figured Rei had no one else to talk to but him.  
  
"At the end of the day," Rei continued, "one can only trust himself, so I don't intend to marry." She looked at Kaidou. "Kaidou-san, do you intend to enter into politics only day, like my father? They're all saying that you are his 'anointed successor'."  
  
Kaidou cleared his throat before speaking. "I would not wish to cause any daughter of mine to be miserable." Rei looked at him with a surprised expression. "I'm naïve in the way I handle things, and therefore I'm not suitable to dance on the stage of politics. Not do I intend to marry." He faintly smiled. "I'm quite happy with life as it is."  
  
Rei smiled as well. "I see that we think alike. So we are comrades..."  
  
[End of Flashback]  
  
"Kaidou-san seems like a nice man," Usagi commented. She was entranced by Rei's story. And to think it was all true. Nothing like this even happens to me, Usagi thought. Rei gets white dresses and rides in limousines... how I envy her.  
  
"May I remind you that I'm not finished," Rei scolded. She looked out the window, seeing the leaves waltzed in the breeze. "Later on during the middle of June, I saw him with..."  
  
[Flashback]  
  
Raindrops splashed down to the ground like teardrops. Lately it had been raining quite frequently in Tokyo. It was very unusual for the middle of June. The Earth seemed to be losing energy and cried out its weakness.  
  
"That weather man! He never gets it right!" Rei yelled. She ran down the vacant sidewalks on her way home from school, holding her school bad over her head. It didn't do much good, but it was certainly better than nothing.  
  
Behind her, Rei could hear a young woman giggling. "Hey, that tickles!"  
  
"Oh? It does?"  
  
That voice, Rei thought. She turned around and saw the unexpected nightmare. Her eyes widen and her jaw dropped. She saw Kaidou sharing an umbrella with a radiantly beautiful young lady. They looked so intimate, and so in love. Rei's heart squeezed in her chest.  
  
She couldn't let anyone see her like this. Before the tears fell, Rei turned and ran away from the heartbreaking truth. But he saw her. And he never meant to hurt her as he had.  
  
[End of Flashback]  
  
"I found out from Otou-san that they were expanding the political base, and Kaidou-san was apparently doing well with his subdivision. So Otou-san intended to let Kaidou-san succeed him. Plus, Kaidou-san had decided to marry the daughter of the leader of the ruling Liberal Democratic Party.  
  
"I didn't want anything to do with him after that, but I feel my heart ache more and more everyday. I wanted to least tell him how I feel. I wanted to tell him... so I wouldn't be able to suffer like this..."  
  
[Flashback]  
  
"You naughty ravens! Get in the shade instead of heating to death!"  
  
Rei implored her dear ravens to take shade by chasing them with her broom. They got so fed up with her that they took off and perched in a nearby tree.  
  
"Well, at least you're out of the sun..."  
  
"Rei-san?"  
  
"Kaidou stood next to her smiling, as if nothing was wrong. Rei pretended he wasn't there and started sweeping the front porch to the temple. He quickly saw it was going to be difficult to talk to her.  
  
"So, how are you?" he asked. Kaidou handed her a book about different types of lilies. Lilies were her favorite flowers. Especially the Casablanca lily. For some reason she felt *that* was the flower that most reflected her personality. Rei stared at the book and not at Kaidou. She was too angry, and too hurt to look at him.  
  
"I was just passing by," Kaidou continued, "and Hino-san asked me to give this to you. He thought you'd find it quite interesting..."  
  
"Why must you invoke my father's name every time you want to do something for me? Is it because you think I'm still the child I once was?"  
  
There was a long, uncomfortable, stretch of silence; nothing but the wind spoke, whispering her sympathy towards the two youths. She seemed to whisper faint memories in their ears and minds, but they didn't hear them. They wouldn't listen. And so the wind eventually stopped.  
  
Rei broke the silence. "Do you intend to marry?" she bluntly asked.  
  
"Your father match-made for me. It's very hard for me to turn it down."  
  
"So you intend to become a politician, just like Otou-san? You will regret it. You will bring much grief to your children." The glittery tears began to swell in Rei's dark eyes, but she held them back.  
  
"I do not intend to have any kids," Kaidou muttered under his breath. It seemed as if he was lying through his teeth.  
  
The words "we are comrades" danced in Rei's mind. The tears were becoming more and more vehement, more and more noticeable. She wouldn't cry in front of him. She was never to cry.  
  
"Liar!" she yelled. "If you want to enter politics, if you want to become Otou-san's successor, all you have to do is..." The tears began to fall down her cheeks. She didn't even notice. Her attention was toward Kaidou. "All you need to do is... is to marry me..."  
  
Rain began to fall down, creating a hazy and bewildering atmosphere that wavered throughout Tokyo. Neither of the youths noticed. Their lips touched each other's in a passionate contact. The rain continued to fall as Tokyo bore witness to the once in a lifetime moment.  
  
[End of Flashback]  
  
Rei ran out of the room, tears overflowing, falling without any control. She should have known reminiscing painful memories would bring her heart to sorrow again. And now Usagi knew the truth. For some reason, she was waiting to hear her obnoxious laugh as she left the room like a frighten child. She didn't hear it, but maybe it was because she was already outside.  
  
"Rei-chan!" Usagi hollered down the corridor, although it did no good. She already knew Rei was probably two blocks away from the temple.  
  
Makoto and Rei quickly raced to Rei's bedroom after hearing Usagi's voice from outside.  
  
"Usagi-chan, what happened?" Makoto asked.  
  
"We saw Rei run out the door," said Ami. "She looked like she was crying. Did something happen between you two?"  
  
Now, Usagi knew Rei would never forgive her if she told them, but she felt they had the right to know. They were all Rei's friends - people she could trust, whether she wanted to trust them, or not. Maybe it would be better if I told them, Usagi thought. But Rei... she'd hate me.  
  
"Usagi-chan, do you know something we don't?" Makoto asked. She wanted to know what was going on, if someone had hurt her friend's feelings. And if someone did, it was her duty to make them pay.  
  
"Umm..." Usagi muttered. "Well, you see..."  
  
------  
  
Rei sat on a small bench in the nearby park, under a shade-providing tree. She looked off in the distance, trying to contemplate.  
  
If I were to love him, I must have all of him, Rei thought. He can only belong to me. But that may be difficult for him, so I will... I will... I will not love...   
  
"Why can't I tell myself not to love him!" she yelled out. Tears fell down again, splashing down onto her skirt.  
  
"Rei-san?"  
  
That voice... Rei looked up and saw *him*. He stared at her with concern raging in his emerald green eyes. But he still had that famous smile on his face, the smile Rei loved to see. It always seemed to make Rei feel more at ease.  
  
Rei sobbed his name as she dried her eyes. "Kaidou-san..."  
  
"Something wrong?" he asked.  
  
She stared at the golden wedding band around his finger. She turned her eyes away. Rei was tired of crying. It was not in her nature to cry so much. She knew if she stared at the ring, tears would begin to fall again. It hurt her so much. Never in her entire life had Rei felt like this. She hated it.  
  
"Do you love her?" Rei asked.  
  
As usual, Kaidou cleared his throat before answering a blunt question. "Yes," he said. "I do love her."  
  
"Why? Why do you love her?"  
  
Kaidou's brow rose as he smirked. "Am I being interrogated today, Rei-san?"  
  
"Please, answer the question. I'm not in the mood for your dry gestures." Her voice was beginning to crack.  
  
Kaidou fell silence for a moment, but it didn't take long for him to answer Rei's imprudent question. He replied, "Well, when I'm with her, it feels like we're the only two around. And when I'm away from her, she's all I think about. I love everything about her, even the quirks. The little things she does... they're the big reasons why I love her. Even the things she doesn't do. Does that answer your question?"  
  
Rei nodded. She couldn't speak to him, for she knew her voice would crack if she did. But she had to speak to him. There was one more thing she needed to know.  
  
Rei stuttered out the words. "Do... do you... love me?"  
  
Kaidou laughed out loud at the trivial question. Rei thought for a moment that he was going to make fun of her. But then she heard his answer.  
  
"Of course!" he said. "You're like a daughter to me!"  
  
A daughter, Rei thought. A daughter?  
  
That word was like a knife being stabbed in her heart and twisted violently to increase the damage. She remembered him saying only a few months ago, "I have no wish to cause any daughter of mine to be miserable." It dawned on her that "daughter" he was talking about was she. Well, Rei thought, you didn't live up to your word!  
  
"I need to go," Kaidou said. "My wife's waiting for me. It was nice talking to you, Rei-san. I hope to bump into you again." He slightly bowed and turned around to leave.  
  
His face kept appearing in Rei's mind. Different images of him flashed before her eyes, gradually melting into one solid, lucid picture. His face morphed into the face of a long deceased general.  
  
She squeaked, "Jadeite...?"  
  
Kaidou turned around and stared at Rei for a long time with narrow eyes and a furrowed brow. He studied her, trying to look at her in a different light. No one has called me that in a long time, he thought. Could she be...? No. She's too young to be my Princess Kasei.   
  
He shrugged the obscure thoughts away and continued on his way. Summer leaves blew in the gentle breeze as he left.  
  
"Please..." Rei whispered. A tear rolled down her cheek. "Come back. Kaidou-san... please... please... Jadeite, please!"  
  
She became hysterical at that point. The man that had just walked away from her was really her lover from long ago. And it took this for her to remember. Rei couldn't stop the tears, but she didn't care. At that point, she didn't care about anything anymore. She just kept staring off in the distant, watching Kaidou walk away, and hoping he would turn around and come back to her. He never did.  
  
Life could be so cruel...  
  
"Rei-chan!!!"  
  
  
She turned around, wiping the tears away, and saw her three dear friends run to her side.  
  
"Minna...?"  
  
Usagi threw her arms around her friend and began crying buckets of tears. Her voice almost went off the decibel scale. "Rei-chan!! Please don't kill meee!!!!" she wailed. "I told them EVERYTHING!!! I couldn't help it! I didn't want to, but they pried it out of meee!!!! Forgive me, please!!!!"  
  
"Usagi, stop crying, please," Rei said, annoyed.   
  
Like a faucet being turned off, Usagi stopped her crying. She kept her fierce embrace around Rei's neck, however. Rei couldn't help but smile. At Usagi cared about her.  
  
"What she said was... almost correct," Ami said. "She told us the whole story about you and... you know." She decided not to say his name in front of Rei. Ami thought it was something Rei didn't want to hear.  
  
Makoto asked, "Rei-chan, why didn't you say anything to us? We would have understood." Ami and Usagi nodded.  
  
"You shouldn't keep secrets from us," Ami commented.  
  
"What she said," Usagi chimed in.  
  
"We're your friends," said Makoto. "You can trust us with anything you want to tell us."  
  
Usagi chimed in again, "What she said too." She let go of Rei's neck and smiled at her. "We all love you, Rei-chan. And we'll always be there for you. No matter what! That's what friends are for."  
  
Rei kindly smiled. "Arigatou, minna."   
  
She looked up at the blue clear sky with a peaceful look in her eyes, and with a peacefulness washing over her body. The tears were finally gone. Her eyes now had their usual sparkle again. Perhaps her heart could mend now.  
  
"I still love him so much, and I still want him for myself. But sometimes when you love someone so much, you have no other choice but to let them go."  
  
Shock washed over the girls' faces at Rei's statement. They couldn't believe something so private had come from her mouth, and so quickly. Perhaps they had something to do with it. Or perhaps Rei had matured more than she already had.   
  
Rei brightly smiled at her best friends again. "Besides, I have my comrades. And they are always beside me."  
  
----  
Fin.  
  
  
===============================  
Vocabulary Bank   
  
Sayonara: Goodbye   
Sugoi: Awesome   
Konnichi wa: Good afternoon   
Otou-san: Father   
Oka-san: Mother   
Minna: Everyone   
Arigatou: Thank you   
===============================  



End file.
